That’s Life..

Maybe forgiveness will never be possible..i dont know..its up to the individual..

I read somewhere in a book, me being the avid reader that i am..that :-

" It is easier to forgive an enemy than it is to forgive a friend"

Unfortunately, this is very true…unfortunately, one cannot change the past..and what’s most unfortunate is that, one cannot always explain why something happens, or why something was done, because they cant explain it or understand it either. What is the point of explaining anyway, when nobody cares to listen to it, even if it is the cold, bitter and barren truth? *sigh*

I miss the one friend that i know i am going to lose again, because that person can never accept me for who i am. And the vicious cycle continues, the pain repeats itself but i will still be me, who else can i be? Whatever i say will never be good enough, whatever i do will never suffice, my tears mean nothing, my laughs rings empty because that bridge has been burnt hasnt it? I feel it..and the wounds bleed again..as fresh as if it was yesterday. It will not give me peace…

But flashbacks flood me, of a time when our laughter was genuine, our trust was true and when that coin was tossed into that fountain, when promises of a friendship that lasts a lifetime rang in my ears…and the hope springs again. There should not be any hope now should they? I guess i will never know..

It only.. hurts when I’m breathing, my heart only breaks when it’s beating, my dreams only die when i’m dreaming…so..i’ll hold my breath..to forget..

There will be no peace…

"It’s easier to forgive an enemy than it is to forgive a friend"

I read that in a book somewhere, being the avid reader that I am. It triggered a whole analyzing mechanism that gets tripped everytime i find something interesting in books.

This is unfortunately very true..you tend to expect a whole lot more from a friend than you do your enemy, so much so that when they dont live up to your expectations or let you down, it gives you more pain than it you would normally feel when your enemy stabs you with a kitchen knife or shoots you with an M-16 rifle.

Ahhh.. does this mean that having friends is a complicated web that you should just avoid getting in to? I dont know..I’ve had my share of letting people down and being let down.. of hurting and being hurt..of lying and being lied to myself.

I just wish i could be accepted for weird old me..just the way i am..even though i’m kinda hard to understand sometimes..who else can i be but myself?  Can anybody answer that?

I forgive my enemy, and i forgive my friend today..

Pah : Laaa..apsal tak pergi konvo plak dah..? Bosan yeee..? kalo ropitu..takayah pegi pun takpa noh..? Pah sakit lutut laa ni..

Botak : Say what..? you ain’t going..? R U OUT OF YOUR MIND…! konvo sendiri tak pegi..? *&^$#%^##@ betulla ko ni..! Tak paham aku cis..!

Mum : Well dear, since you’re not going to your konvo and since I happen to have the day off…let’s go jacuzzi shopping shall we..I heard there’s a sale in Jusco OU..it’ll be fun dear.. I hear they’re awfully sexy..

Truth of the matter is, I didn’t feel like going..so I didn’t go..time spent with my mum is worth more to me than gold because I RARELY ever get to see her..and hey..jacuzzi shopping was certainly more fun to me than ermmm..my own konvo..? Yes..I’m ashamed to admit..but it was way more fun..ermmm..you guys need to remind me to go to my next konvo ok..? I should really go to that one right..? or shouln’t I..? Hmnnn..I’ll think it over…hmnnnn

I SOOOO need help with my social skills…

^_^

It’s been a long time coming.. but I guess now I need to let the past go..

Here’s to ..goodbye..

"Goodbye To You"

Of all the things I’ve believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I’ve been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I’m hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I’m starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can’t live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it’s not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what’s yours and I want what’s mine
I want you
But I’m not giving in this time

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You’re my shooting star

To : AFAA,Man,K,Chee Hau and John..
       Thanks for everything..

Phone conversation with my beloved Pah..

Me : Pah…pah datang tak hajar nak konvo ni?

Grandma : Laa..dah abis blajo ke..?

Me : Takla pah..haja blajo lagi..tahun depan baru abis..

Grandma : Oooo, habihtu..apsal nak konvo plakdah..?

Me : errrmmmmm…

Phone Conversation with My best Friend

Me : Weii..aku grad la isnin ni..mehla datang tangkap gambo..

Botak : Hah…aritu aku ajak kuar..kemain sibuk ngko..banyak keje la..ade klas laa..klas sampai mlm laa..apsal lak ajak aku gi ko konvo nih..? Tipu dose tau..terluka ati aku..

Me : Adus..mmg aku konvo laa..

Botak : Abistu ko blaja ke tak skrang?

Me : Yelaa..aku blaja gak..

Botak : Haaa..abistu? apsal ko leh konvo..? ko amik diploma yeeee..? tipu aku selama ni glamer amik degree law..rupanye diploma yeee..? hahahaha

Me : Weii..aku amik degree laa..tp ini sambungan degree laaa..

Botak : So ko amik master la ni…?

Me : *geram* Alaaa.. byk tanya la ko ni..aku amik sambungan degree..tp degree gak..laa!! Aku amik honors laaa..!!! Kepujian laaa..!!

Botak : Adeke degree takde kepujian..? Dah sahla ni ko amik diploma..!! hahaha

Me : cis..! Takpe..! Hampehnya kawan..! Taknak dtg udah.. !!!

Chat with my mom

Mom : Strange course you’re taking dear..grad smpi 2 kali..are you sure its a degree ?

Me : Yes mom..i’m sure

Mom : I should have a chat with your lecturers, clarify the position..it’s just so confusing..why can’t you just graduate once next year..like all the other universities dear..?

Me : I dunno mom..It’s the UITM thing i guess..

Mom : Ahh I see…

* wink wink *