That’s Life..

Pernah kita ada kawan baik gila..yang memang ngam ngan kita..tapi last-last ckp belakang, tipu, pretend baik and stabbed you in the back..? Pernah tak kita sayang org, pastu org tu..tak jujur, tipu n then play the victim pulak depan sumer org..? Aku baru hidup 23 tahun..tapi aku dah penat jumpa org-org cam gini…Penat giler..wats in their minds..aku tak paham..20,30 kali pikir pun aku rasa aku takkan dapat paham…

Sebabkan kita sayang, percaya is what makes the betrayal even more unbelievable..painful…bangang..haunting..sumer-sumer perkataan jiwang-jiwang tulah..memang sakit beb..dalam byk-byk org pernah aku jumpa..ada dua org yang tak mungkin aku bleh lupa betrayal diorang..and walaupun aku takkan sebutkan nama penuh diorang kat sini..cukuplah kalo aku panggil diorang ni Syu dan John..sorang pompuan..sorang laki..elok sgtlah tu..talam dua muka memang tak ingat dunia punyer..n the pain they caused me..have scarred me for life..sebabkan dioranglaa..aku susah dan semakin susah nak percaya kepada wujudnya kebaikan dalam hati manusia kat dunia ni..

Apa yang lagi peliknya..walaupun aku takleh dgr nama diorang disebut depan aku..disebabkan bengang yamg teramat sgt terhadap insan-insan macamni..In truth..I miss their company n the beautiful friendship yang kitorang pernah ada. Aku rindu mempercayai seseorang up to that extent..aku tetap tak lupa the good times, susah-senang aku dgn diorang..Apa yang baru-baru ni aku sedar is that I still care about these people..aku masih sayang diorang..and thats the reason it hurts so much…sebab i still give a shit..Honestly, I dont know if that’s a good or bad thing..

Anyways..to John and Syu, wherever you are now..once the best of friends..now and forever afterwards a stranger to me..I’ve got a lil sumthin to tell you..here it goes..

I hope life’s been good to you

Since you’ve been gone

I’m doing fine now

I’ve finally moved on

It’s not so bad

I’m not that sad

I’m not surprised just how well I survived

I’m over the worst now and I feel so alive

I can’t complain

I’m free again

Don’t think I’m lying down and crying at night

No need to worry ..I’m really all right

I’ve never looked back

As a matter of fact

                                                          BUT

It only hurts when I’m breathing

My heart only breaks when its beating

My dreams only die when I’m dreaming

So I’ll hold my breath to forget

It only hurts when I breathe…

Betulke..? betulke apa yang aku nampak ni..? that was the first thing I thought of when I woke up..there was this HUGE cockroach on my selimut..and the fear was so intense..I couldnt even make myself scream..and lipas tu pun satu..it didnt budge..it just stayed there..with its prickly little insect feet..scaring the crap out of me..

I couldnt take it anymore..i jumped out..n ran out of my room..straight into my mum’s room and went under her covers..shivering like a 5 year old..only..well..I WAS 5 years old at the time..that was the earliest memory I have of my childhood..something that constantly reminded how my family..especially my mum..has a special place inside my heart,my brain and my motor reflexes too..

Next year, which is only like a few days away..i’ll be 23, i’ve been living for 23 years..can u believe that..? I know I’ve always been treated like the baby of the family..but I know that changes will happen this year..It’s my last semester..I’ll be working soon..and other plans are also underway ..it’s just so overwhelming..I guess I cant keep running to my mum for everything no more..

It’s time..but u know what?..somehow i know that in my family’s eyes..I’ll forever be this shivering 5 year old girl..scared and always in need of their protection..and a part of me..will always be that girl..

I love u..mum,dad,sis and Akmal..Happy New Year..

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